this is my first father's day without a father. well, at least an earthly father.
not an easy day. my memories of spending last father's day with my sweet daddy are still so fresh. it seems like it was only last week, and not a whole year ago.
it was such a sweet day. that's the last time i heard him preach too. he preached one of my favorite sermons...about the prodigal son...or, as he liked to say, the story is really about the loving father.
shomik and i might be buying a house. this has been something long coming. we've been casually looking for about a year and a half. last summer it was something we were talking with my dad about, and he was advising us on what to look for, and how it was a really good time to consider buying.
so it's something we've long looked forward to, and also something that i know he would be glad about...so i'm really excited. but also a little sad. there are so many questions i wish i could ask him, and so many things i want to show him. this is the first major decision in my life really that i'm having to make without him, and at moments it seems to serve as a reminder that he's gone. this week with this, combined with father's day and some other stuff, i've really felt his absence hard.
over the past few months i've realized how much my dad was sometimes the center of my world...and not necessarily in a good way. i should have never anchored myself in a mere mortal that strongly i guess. of course i always try to make sure that God is the center of my world...but it almost seems like a natural default to cling to a person that you love so much at times.
i love my heavenly father so much though, and i'm so glad that i can never be separated from him. my dad did an amazing job of showing me a glimpse of the love that a heavenly father can give. because of my dad's amazing love, i feel like he paved the way for me to understand and accept an even more amazing heavenly father and his love.
anyways, i just felt the need for a little blog therapy today. i don't think anyone really reads xanga anymore, and honestly that may be one of it's virtues for me these days. most of my blogs over the past year have been for me more than anyone.
Comments (1)
keep posting them... love you.